The Crisis You Don’t See Is the One That Breaks…or Builds Leaders 

There’s a version of leadership we still don’t talk about honestly enough.

It’s the version where you show up polished, articulate, and competent,
while your personal life is quietly imploding.

That’s why my conversation with Dana Cotispoti stayed with me long after we stopped recording.

Not because her story was dramatic.
But because it was familiar.

And because it exposed a truth many women in leadership are still carrying silently:

You can be powerful and in crisis at the same time.

Let’s clear something up about “crisis”

We tend to define crises by optics.

Missed deadlines.
Public breakdowns.
Career derailments.

But Dana said something early in our conversation that reframed the entire discussion.

Crisis isn’t about the thing you’re going through.
It’s about how it feels.

Hopelessness.
Fear.
Shame.
Feeling trapped.
Feeling like there’s a mountain in front of you and no clear way over it.

That definition matters, especially for high-achieving women, because many of the most intense crises don’t look like failure at all.

They look like success.

Leadership doesn’t make you immune, it makes you quieter

Dana shared her experience of leaving an abusive relationship while holding senior leadership roles in financial services.

From the outside, she looked untouchable.
From the inside, she was navigating court systems, fear, exhaustion, and profound isolation.

Here’s the part I want to sit with for a moment.

When you are the one who holds everything together,
when people rely on you,
when you’re expected to be steady,

you learn very quickly how not to burden others.

And that’s where so many women leaders get stuck.

Because strength becomes a performance.
And asking for help feels like failure.

It isn’t.

But the silence that follows is costly.

We are failing women in crisis. Full stop.

One of the most sobering moments in our conversation was Dana saying plainly:

“We are failing victims.”

Failing to understand that abuse isn’t always physical.
Failing to recognize emotional, financial, and psychological control.
Failing to create environments where women feel safe enough to speak before they spiral.

And here’s the leadership consequence no one talks about.

When women operate in prolonged survival mode, they don’t suddenly collapse.
They slowly disappear from themselves.

That’s not a personal flaw.
That’s a systems failure.

Let me say the quiet part out loud about the shutdown years

I’m going to be very intentional with my language here.

I hate how casually we use “COVID” as a catch-all explanation.

COVID was an illness.

What actually did the damage was the shutdown.
The isolation.
The loss of structure, identity, rhythm, and momentum.

That period rewired how many women functioned day to day.

I see it constantly in my work.

Women who were once decisive now second-guess themselves.
Women who trusted their instincts now ask for permission.
Women who had grit for days feel like they’ve somehow lost it.

They haven’t.

What they’re dealing with is unprocessed strain.

You don’t run on adrenaline for years and walk away unchanged.

Calling that a confidence issue misses the point.
This is about recovery, not weakness.

“Get back to badass” and what that really means

One of Dana’s most powerful lines, and one I keep coming back to, is her coaching mantra:

Get back to badass.

Not the hustle-hard, white-knuckle version of strength.
Not the performative confidence we put on for meetings and LinkedIn.

The real badass.

The one who trusts herself again.
The one who listens to her intuition.
The one who knows when something feels off and acts on it.

Dana’s RISE Method puts language around that recalibration.

Resilience, moving through hard things with perspective, not denial.
Intuition, trusting what your body and instincts are telling you.
Self-care, not as indulgence, but as sustainability.

This isn’t about fixing women.

It’s about removing the armor they were never meant to live in.

Community isn’t optional, it’s essential

Another truth Dana articulated clearly.

You cannot do this alone.

When women are in crisis, their support system is often not who they expect.
Not because people don’t care, but because many don’t know how to help.

That’s why community matters.
That’s why spaces like HIGHER exist.
And that’s why leadership cultures have to evolve beyond silent endurance.

Resilience is not built in isolation.
It’s built through connection, language, and permission.

What I hope every woman leader hears

You are not weak for struggling.
You are not broken because you’re tired.
And you are not failing because you need support.

Strength is not about carrying everything alone.

Sometimes the most powerful leadership move you can make is telling the truth.
First to yourself.
Then to someone you trust.

And if you’re in a season where life feels heavy, confusing, or overwhelming, hear this clearly:

You don’t need to become someone new.

You need to get back to badass.

If this conversation resonated, listen to the full episode with Dana Cotispoti on Possibilities. Share it with a woman who needs to hear she’s not alone and leave a review so these conversations reach the leaders who are quietly holding everything together.

This podcast is part of our mission to amplify women who are redefining work, life, and leadership.