Stop Waiting for Permission: How Confidence Is Built (Not Born)

Most women don’t lack talent.
They lack permission.

Actually, let me correct that.

They’re waiting for permission they were never going to be given.

That’s the thread that kept pulling at me during my conversation with Mary Alice Duff on this week’s episode of Possibilities. And before you get distracted by the headline details yes, she lives in the south of France no, this is not a “how I moved abroad” story.

France is the backdrop.
Confidence is the story.

And not the Instagram version of confidence either. I’m talking about the real kind. The unglamorous, built-over-time, earned-through-action kind.

The kind most high-achieving women were never taught how to build.

The Confidence Myth Is Hurting Women

Here’s one of the biggest lies women are sold early on:

Confidence is something you either have or you don’t.

Mary Alice and I blew that myth up pretty quickly.

Confidence isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a practice.

A muscle.

Something you build through small, uncomfortable decisions that compound over time.

Speaking up in the meeting even when your voice shakes.
Giving the honest opinion instead of the polished one.
Taking the step before you feel “ready.”

That’s how confidence is built. Not through waiting. Not through credentials. And definitely not through perfection.

And yet, so many women I work with are doing the opposite.

They’re waiting until:

• they feel 100 percent ready
• they won’t look foolish
• someone more “qualified” gives them the green light

Spoiler alert: that moment doesn’t come.

Why High-Performing Women Get Stuck

Here’s the part that hit hard and will probably hit you too.

High-performing women aren’t afraid of failure.

They’re afraid of embarrassment.

They’re afraid of being seen trying.
Of being judged.
Of breaking the identity they’ve spent years building as the “smart one,” the “reliable one,” the “successful one.”

Mary Alice said it perfectly. When your self-worth is tied to getting it right, risk feels unbearable.

So women wait.
They overthink.
They over-prepare.

And they stay stuck far longer than they should.

Not because they aren’t capable, but because they’re auditioning for approval instead of trusting themselves.

Confidence Is Built in Micro Moments

One of my favorite parts of the conversation was how aligned Mary Alice and I were on this concept of micro moments.

Confidence isn’t built in one giant leap.
It’s built in reps.

Tiny, daily actions that feel uncomfortable in the moment but powerful in hindsight.

This is where my full CMO brain lights up, because this is compounding interest in human form.

You don’t see the payoff immediately.
But stack enough of those moments together and suddenly something clicks.

You look up one day and realize:

• You trust yourself more
• You’re less reactive
• You’re clearer on what you want
• You’re no longer waiting to be chosen
  

That’s not luck.
That’s accumulated confidence.

Entrepreneurship, Leadership, and Self-Awareness

Mary Alice’s background is anything but linear. Social work. Nonprofit leadership. Entrepreneurship. Fractional COO work.

And here’s the throughline that matters.

Self-awareness.

The founders she works with aren’t failing because they’re bad at business. They’re struggling because they were never taught how to run one.

Being great at the thing does not automatically make you great at running the business of the thing.

And instead of shaming themselves for that gap, the real growth happens when women can say:
“I don’t know this yet, but I’m willing to learn.”

That sentence right there is confidence in action.

Not ego.
Not hustle.
Not pretending.

Just self-trust and honesty.

Stop Waiting. Start Choosing Yourself.

If there’s one message I want you to take from this episode, it’s this:

Stop waiting to be picked.

Stop waiting for permission.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment.
Stop waiting for confidence to arrive first.

Action builds confidence.
Not the other way around.

Mary Alice’s life didn’t change because she woke up one day fearless. It changed because she trusted herself enough to take the next step, then the next, then the next.

That’s available to you too.

And if this conversation stirred something in you, if it made you uncomfortable in that “oh damn, she’s talking to me” way, that’s not a coincidence.

That’s your cue.

Final Thought

You don’t need more credentials.
You don’t need to soften your edges.
You don’t need to wait your turn.

You need to trust yourself enough to move.

Confidence isn’t born.
It’s built.

And it starts the moment you stop waiting.

Listen to Episode #104 of Possibilities with Monique de Maio:
Confidence Isn’t Born, It’s Built: What Changes When Women Stop Waiting Featuring Mary Alice Duff

This podcast is part of our mission to amplify women who are redefining work, life, and leadership.

If this episode resonated, share it with a woman who needs the reminder.

With possibility AND confidence,

~ Monique